By Letty Livingston
Dearest Friends and Faithful Readers,
Regretfully, I must inform all of you that my acclaimed Let Letty Help dating and relationship advice column and The D Files, my novella that has been running in True Romance for the past year, have been put on the shelf for the time being.
Just in case you haven’t heard, print publications are having a hard time keeping up with online versions of e-zines of similar content. Part of it, of course, is the slumping economy. Another factor is that modern times call for nanosecond sound-byte-sized morsels of infotainment. However, there is something so nostalgic, so pure and simple about turning a page, about picking up a magazine and flipping to the end to find your favorite column, about coming home and it is there waiting for you in your mailbox.
With the support of my publishers, my wonderful editor Gia, and all of you, we are going to try to keep the wind in the sails of The D Files. Each week I will post previously published portions of The D Files, where you are going to get a unique opportunity to see love, romance, and interpersonal relationships be tried and tested, be formed and broken, and be supported through friendship.
I know many of you know who the cast of characters in the novella are, but for those of you who are new to The D Files and for those who are about to become wrapped-up in the storyline, I have a list of central players for you:
Cast
Nikki 32 Steadfast friend whole takes relationships seriously w/ Freddie
Bea 37 Entitled, overbearing, uses men for gifts w/ Todd (since june)
Lauren 28 Hopeless Romantic Unattached
Yoko 30 Token Asian who has the wit of a fortune cookie married Tran
Lisa 43 Bipolar, depressed, parties hard, gorgeous divorced
Angelica 21 Lisa’s daughter, wry, sharp as a whip unattached
Agatha 41? Letty’s friend, lives in Germany. Was in the Dating in Deutschland series
Isadora 32 Letty’s younger sister, lives Philly, monotone unattached
Tyler 41 Bea’s now not-so-secret ex-husband ex-stripper who is going to get a novella of his own soon!
Sam 17 Bea’s daughter who is somewhere in the world. She is going to be found, possibly.
Guido Bea’s brother-in-law NYC detective helped track Tyler when he left her.
Oddball Millionaire Father of Bea’s daughter Sam. Never named
I had considered only giving you the names of the players who appear in this edition, but then felt that allowing you some foresight, some premonition, about where this tale may lead, will surely get you to come back and invite your friends to read along.
So, in order to get the ball rolling I am going to be posting an excerpt of The D Files each Tuesday. Please feel free to leave your comments there. Or write to my, Letty Livingston at help@letlettyhelp.com. I am still answering questions about dating, romance, and relationships, and, of course, sex. So, don’t be shy. All names are kept in the strictest of confidence and all submissions are considered for publication.
The D Files
Allergic to My Orgasm
By Letty Livingston
Hello and welcome to the first installation of The D Files. Though there are no questions posed by readers, as in my acclaimed Let Letty Help column, there is still plenty of titillating infotainment for you. The D Files are essays, stories, and tales of my life as a dating coach, relationship counselor, and sexpert. Being a lady who wears those particular hats does come in handy. With that, let me let you enjoy the following.
xo
LL.
It all started with a sneeze. Nikki said, “Allergies,” and began riffling through her shoulder bag looking for a tissue, while someone at our table offered a halfhearted, “Bless you.” Then Lauren looked up from her heaping plate of fried calamari and suggested that Nikki take an antihistamine. “I take Claritin and it works great,” Lauren said, as she picked the crispy tentacles up and popped them in her mouth. Some agreed that they hated hay fever and that antihistamines were the only way to get through springtime, not to mention summer’s ragweed.
Bea, one of the women who was still nodding in agreement like a dashboard Chihuahua going over a speed bump, continued her story of Todd—her latest in a string of first dates. She picked up where the sneeze had interrupted her. “I don’t know what it is with these guys nowadays. Like, doesn’t anyone know how to get a girl off anymore?”
The head nodding recommenced and Yoko, the unassuming Asian woman in our lunch clique, let out an “I know, that’s right!” We all laughed.
“It’s not freakin’ funny!” Bea slammed her fist down hard enough to rattle the plates on our table and turn the heads of diners who were within a fifty-foot radius. “I mean, come on. I’ve been out with seven guys since April and bedded six of them. Nada! Zilch! Not one has come close to getting me off.”
We were becoming numb to this rant of hers, and then out of the blue Nikki, who generally sits and listens (unless she’s had too much to drink), said, “I don’t know. Freddie has been giving it to me real good.” She leaned on her “e” for a nanosecond, so it sounded like reeeal good. Bea rolled her eyes and flicked her wrist, bestowing the international signal for, “Whatever!”
“Could be related to the antihistamines,” I finally added after a few seconds of silence calmed our herd.
“Yeah right,” Bea shot back.
“No, come on, Letty’s the pro. Let her educate you.” Yoko wanted to know what I was talking about. Things between her and Trung had been going nowhere lately.
“Just because a medication is over-the-counter doesn’t mean it’s any less potent than something available only by prescription. All medications have side effects, antihistamines included. The downside to OTC meds is you don’t have to go to a doctor to get them. If you’re diagnosed with depression and the doctor prescribes an anti-depressant, she’s going to tell you about the possibility of sexual side effects.”
Lisa, the bipolar/chronically depressed girl of our group, spent years on antidepressants, and she gave me an “I know what that’s like” look.
I took a second to meet her eyes and continued, “When you go to Rite Aid to pick out your own allergy medication, the box can’t tell you all the risks. Sure, you stop sneezing, but what else is going on?”
Bea hates it when I get preachy, and honestly, I try to save it for the column. “Would you get to the point already?” Bea requested, motioning for our hottie waiter to bring us the check. He shot over instantaneously.
“Okay—here’s the skinny: Histamine is released as part of the orgasm from mast cells in the genitals. What you ladies may be experiencing is called anorgasmia, the inability to achieve orgasm. If you want to climax and know you have prior to taking antihistamines but haven’t since—” I paused and looked over at Bea while I fished for my Amex card. She didn’t have the usual “nobody likes a know-it-all” expression pasted on her perfectly angular face. No, Bea was really fed up with test-driving men and wanted to know how to fix it.
“The best thing to do is get off them and try a more holistic approach.” I put my credit card atop of the small pile and smiled.
“Come on,” Yoko cried. “You can’t stop there. What do we do?” The bobble-head nodding started again.
The tan waiter overheard me talking about orgasms, or the lack thereof, and was frozen like Michelangelo’s David.
“Um, hello? Today!” Bea snapped her manicured fingers in his face and he scurried away. She loved emasculating men. And she wondered why she couldn’t orgasm.
I let it slide, but felt sorry for the hot hard-body. “Okay, there’s lots of complementary and alternative medicines available. You can reduce the symptoms of allergic rhinitis with acupuncture, yoga, herbal medicines, and homeopathic remedies. Some people say that decreasing the intake of dairy products during allergy season can help. You’ve got to see what works for you and try different combinations of the techniques. You’re all smart ladies. Surf the Internet for more info and tips, and get your orgasms back.”
Hard-body hottie returned with the receipt, and we all took our respective slips to sign. The ladies were buzzing in pairs, discussing what they’d just learned. I quietly signed my name and knew that soon my friends would be coming back to lunch with renewed looks of satisfaction.
~LL~
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I will still be answering my readers’ questions, so send them, along with ideas that you would like to read about in coming issues of The D Files to me at help@letlettyhelp.com. All submitted material is considered for publication and all names are kept in the strictest of confidence.
Come back next Tuesday, right here are www.mytruelovestory.com for more of The D Files. Read more of my work at:http://letlettyhelp.blogspot.com/
©MMX~Letty Livingston~The D Files are intended as inspiring and engaging sources for advice and not alternatives for therapeutic intervention, should it be needed. All names have been changed to protect people’s privacy and all are fictitious characters.
©2009 Letty Livingston ~ The D Files are intended as inspiring and engaging sources for advice and not alternatives for therapeutic intervention, should it be needed.
