This past summer I had a little issue with a man due to a hygiene thing. I know, we’re at the starting gate, and it’s already no good. But bear with me because he is a nice guy.
Anyway, while visiting Belgium I stayed with a friend of a friend for a couple of weeks.
On the first night in we had a long dinner, followed by 1.5 bottles of champagne. After the champagne we both fell asleep on the couch, sort of laying there side by side. (It was a long day for both of us.) When I woke up I flossed and brushed my teeth. He did not do either.
For the three following nights that routine continued. (By that point I had started keeping watch.) And nothing. Until day four when I finally put to him, “Umm, why aren’t you flossing?” His response being, he didn’t because it caused his teeth to bleed. (Sorry, if this is grossing anyone out.) At this point I knew. I knew he had the big G. (Gingivitis) I’m no MD, but his gums were unusually red.
I danced with the idea of telling him for a while, but I chickened out every time. Because who does that?
And is he a schmo? No. He owns the building he resides in, he has a more than decent job. He had and has great things going for him. But folks, money isn’t everything, I cannot express this enough.
When I got home I thought about this until I came to the conclusion to write him about this. In the e-mail I expressed my concerns and told him to go see a dentist asap. Naturally, he was embarrassed, but he thanked me afterward for my concern. And yes, he paid a visit to his dentist. Oddly enough, his dentist did not find anything irregular, which is troubling because I know what I saw. I looked it up, and all the signs were there. (My guess is that he lied, or he has a gosh awful dentist.)
What’s the moral of this story? Although this may sound a little superficial, little things like this put people off. No-one wants to sit next to the guy that smells. So if telling a person some little changeable, think selflessly: I think it’s the ethic thing to do. It could very well change how others socialize with that person. It could change a lot.
Do I think you should go up to the next short man and say that his life would be way better if he were a few inches taller? Nooo. That’s just mean; height is not something that can be changed. Do I think you should tell your boyfriend that his look would tremendously improve if he were to lose 20 pounds? That really depends. Are you telling him for him, or for yourself? Are you truly worried about his health? If so, then okay. We all have to ask ourselves if we would want to know these things about ourselves from others. I surely would.
Let me tell you — It’s effing hard to be a good friend.
Oh Jane… Americans and their want for everything to be perfect. Europeans have a very different way of living. And they [europeans] don’t take enough care of their teeth. They smoke a bit too much. drink more than us in the US and they also have more vacation time and a better quality of life in general. I grew up in South American and did a decade in Europe. I want to do a decade in Asia or Northern Africa. Who knows…. I can take my gig on the road and write about my goings on.
That poor guy that had to deal with the precocious American. I hope that you both have some happy memories of each other!
Anyways… Today the cute-ish UPS guy delivered my Monte Blanc pen refills. He had a bunch of paper towel stuck to the 5 o’clock shadow he was sporting. I signed for the ink and told him. He thanked me and blushed. Was it better to let him walk around all day with paper on his face. Not for me. I tell others when their zipper is down or if toilet paper is stuck to their shoe.
Some of us do. If all of us did, the one’s of us that pride themselves in being that person would have to find some other type of fulfilling social thing, like planting a eco-friendly garden or something.
To the UPS guy… one of my interns is crushing on you… hard!!
I hope that he reads this!
xoxo
LL
Letty to state that Europeans don’t take care of themselves is a huge generalization. Every country is different, every person is different. I have met and am friends with a number of Europeans who smell great, and who take care of their teeth in a reasonable manner. Good hygiene is good hygiene. It isn’t precocious. It’s what our mothers and Doctors tell us to do.