INGREDIENTS:

12 oz. dry fettuccine or your choice of pasta

1 pint soy milk

4 cloves garlic, minced

6 Tbsp. vegan cheese, grated

4 Tbsp. fresh parsley, chopped

Freshly ground black pepper, to taste

40z vegetables of your choice (such as carrots, broccoli or peas), chopped and steamed

DIRECTIONS:

Cook and drain the pasta.

Place in a large non-stick sauté pan along with the soy milk and garlic. Bring to a simmer, stirring frequently. Add the vegan cheese.

Continue cooking until the “cheese” melts and the sauce thickens. Stir in the parsley and black pepper. Add the steamed vegetables, toss gently and serve.

Don’t forget the garlic bread! Yum!

Especially when one considers the fact that the Mormon Church still allowed the practice of polygamy—until 1935! It’s not rocket science why equal rights for women took decades, and is still an issue that sparks controversy in America, and in nearly every other country.

The idea that women are inferior to men remains rooted in traditions, like  in weddings. That famous last line the clergymen says: “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

It’s a minor detail that goes unnoticed by most, but once you actually pay attention to the words, it’s impossible, as a woman, to be pleased that such discrepancies in equality are still passed around so freely. Some parsons do say “husband and wife,” and to them we tip our hat and say thank you.

What little ways have you noticed inequality in everyday life? Is it still a man’s world? Tell us your thoughts!!

Two lucky commenters will receive the February and March issues of True Romance magazine.

In this post, you’ll get the Top 10 Reasons for Husbands to Cheat—in accordance to a study done on 792 married couples. Read on—you’ll never guess what #4 is & #7 will shock you!

The best articulated comments win new issues of True Romance magazine!

A SOLUTION?

You can do much to help a husband who has Don Juan Syndrome by building up his ego, so that he has greater confidence. Find things you can sincerely admire in his business or trade skill, in his virtues as a husband, in his personality, in his zest as a lover. Tell him about them frequently. If you can diminish his inferiority feelings, he will feel less need to fight against them by seeking reassurance in a series of sexual affairs. However, if your husband does not respond to your remedies, don’t blame yourself. If your husband recognizes  his own failings, and is anxious to get rid of them, psychiatric treatment will help.

What about the husband who is guilty of a serious, prolonged affair with another woman—first-degree infidelity? Here you have a major problem on your hands, because this husband’s deepest emotions are involved. “In my opinion,” declares Judge I. Montefiore of N.Y.C. Domestic Relations Court, “the other woman is almost invariably the symptom of an already ailing marriage.”

The fault may be, and probably is, on *both sides* (Remember this if you are ever the offender.). But the remedy is *usually* up to the wife,  because she has the most to *gain* as a rule, from preserving her marriage. (Thank you, God, for Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, and the 60′s.)

“When a wife finds that there is another  woman in her husband’s life, Dr. Popenoe advises, “her first action should be, not to treat the symptom, but to find the cause—to find out what this other woman means to her husband; and then remove the cause. It’s the easiest way, often the only way.”

The misunderstood husband who pours out his woes to another woman, and accepts her sympathy as love, is a classic figure. Any man who goes to the trouble of taking a mistress, rather than *simply* being promiscuous, obviously  is emotionally dissatisfied with his marriage. His wife may know why.  If she does, she can best eliminate the other women by eliminating from her marriage the things that drove her husband to become unfaithful.

Click below for the Top 10 REASONS HUSBANDS CHEAT

TOP 10 LIST  BELOW:

If she isn’t sure, it might help her to analyze herself in the light of the ten leading reasons for “Husband-Resentment.” According to a California study of 792 married couples, in order of importance, these are  as follows—Look at #6 & #9:

1.) My wife nags me all the time.

2.) She isn’t affectionate enough.

3.) We always have to do what she wants.

4.) She interferes with my hobbies. (My wife tried talking to me while building a model airplane, so I decided to have sex with the girl down the block.)

5.) She let herself go; she’s slovenly.

6.) She spoils the kids.

7.) She thinks she’s terrific.

8.) Nothing I do pleases her.

9.) She neglects the kids.

10.) She’s a rotten housekeeper.

In short, you have a better chance getting cheated on if you spoil the kids than if you neglect them, as this list is ordered in the things husbands resent most—thus, of course, driving them into the arms of another woman, or several other women.

Looking at #7 alone, it’s no wonder why the self-help genre is wildly popular. As women, we may overlook the idea that it IS okay to think you’re pretty terrific and it IS okay to even consider yourself good-looking and smart!

We want to know—how many of you have been put down by a man for thinking well of yourself?

Do you think it still happens, and if so, to what extent? Do you think it’s less common today, or the same & do you think that list is still relevant?

The best 3 commenters will win prizes! 1st place is a one-year subscription to True Romance magazine, 2nd place wins 6 months of issues, and 3rd place  wins 3 issues!

]]> http://mytruelovestory.com/2009/12/30/remember-when-wednesdays-3/feed/ 5 http://mytruelovestory.com/2009/12/29/the-top-10-new-years-resolutions-and-how-to-stick-to-them/ http://mytruelovestory.com/2009/12/29/the-top-10-new-years-resolutions-and-how-to-stick-to-them/#comments Tue, 29 Dec 2009 16:00:50 +0000 Sonaiya http://www.mytruelovestory.com/?p=1686 1. Lose Weight

Over half of adults in the United States are overweight, so its no surprise that weight loss is one of the most popular New Year’s resolutions. However, saying and doing are two completely different things. In order to really lose weight in 2010, set reasonable goals for yourself and stay focused. It helps to join a weight loss program, where you’ll receive support from others with similar goals as well as expert advice from experienced professionals. This is the key time for success for those of you who made the New Year’s commitment to shed some extra pounds.

2. Get out of Debt

If money issues contributed to your high level of stress in 2009, you may resolve to eliminate (or at least lessen) your debt in the New Year. One of the most important ways to do this is to pay more than your minimum balance. When you pay the minimum, most of it goes towards interest, which is why it takes a while to pay off the original debt. You wouldn’t pay $500 for an item that is marked with a $100 price tag, would you? If you can’t afford to pay more than the minimum balance, you can’t afford what was charged on your card in the first place. So, stick to one credit card (the one with the lowest interest rate) and cut the rest up. Pay more than your minimum, and watch the debt slowly slip away.

3. Get Fit

Losing weight and getting fit are two separate resolutions. Everyone should exercise, no matter what their weight, because we all know that regular exercise has been associated with many health benefits – reduction in the risk of some cancers, increased longevity, enhanced mood, lower blood pressure and even improved arthritis. To get motivated, think of working out as a break from a stressful day, alone time, a reward, or an energy booster instead of an obligation. Exercise 3 times a week, and you really will start to feel better.

4. Help Those In Need

A popular and selfless New Year’s resolution is volunteerism. You can mentor a child, help out at a local animal shelter or at a homeless shelter, or assist in building a house or cleaning up a local park. All the nonprofit volunteer organizations could really use your help. Log onto http://www.1-800-volunteer.org or call 1-800-volunteer (864868337) to find opportunities in your community.

5. Quit Smoking

Although it won’t be easy, resolving to put out your smoking habit will benefit you in the long run. There are many over-the-counter nicotine replacement therapies available. If you’ve tried to quit before and failed, remember that on average, smokers try about 4 times before they quit for good. To ensure success, consult your doctor before quitting, pick a quit date and stick to it, and get rid of all cigarettes and smoking accessories. Ask friends who smoke not to do it around you, and if you can find a quitting buddy, you can support each other through the process.

6. Get organized

Organization is a very popular as well as reasonable goal. Whether you want to organize your home, your office, or your life in general, there are a few tips you should know. First, you need to buy a day planner and at least one wall calendar. Secondly, you should go through each space you want to organize one at a time – get rid of anything you haven’t used in the past year (excluding important documents or sentimental items). Thirdly, get storage bins and label each one. Lastly, hold a family clean up day at least twice a year and make each family member fill a trash bag with junk. (Remember: You can always donate unused items to a local shelter. Plus, you can sell almost anything nowadays on websites like Ebay)

7. Spend more time with friends and family

Many of you will vow to be a better mother, sister, aunt, pet owner, etc. However, talk is cheap, so take action and start planning ways in which you can reconnect with your family. Love get-togethers? Plan a family reunion. Into crafts? Make family scrapbooks for every one’s birthdays this year. You can also get family members together to create a family cookbook or an artistic family tree. Remember, family is very important, so don’t let yourself lose touch.

8. Learn Something New

Many people are thirsty for knowledge, and they use the New Year as an excuse to vow to learn new things. Although you should never need an excuse, learning is a terrific way to broaden your horizons. If you are curious about the way something works, read a how-to book. Interested in a certain subject? Take a class at a local college. Learning how to knit or garden can also be fun. For a more challenging task, learn a new language. Whatever you choose, you’ll find education to be one of the easiest and most motivating resolutions to keep.

9. Quit Drinking

Many people use the New Year as an incentive to stop drinking. In some cases, this means giving up a few drinks a day, which can be done by tapering down to one a day and then to none. In other cases, this decision is more drastic. If you are a heavy drinker, you may have more success if you try to quit gradually, or if you learn to moderate your drinking. There is a lot of help and support available for anyone who wants to stop drinking. To get a better picture of where you are now, so that you can make an informed decision about how to proceed, you should first talk with your family doctor. You can also log onto http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org or http://www.niaaa.nih.gov. Both websites offer resources, tips and professional advice.

10. Enjoy Life

A lot of bad things have happened in 2009, including the current recession and the Bernie Madoff scandal, among other things. Lots of people will resolve to enjoy their lives a little more in 2010, because we are all very aware of how short life is. In order to do this, remember the following: work is just work, there are other important things to do in life; don’t spread yourself too thin, you are certain to miss life’s details; remember to relax; don’t compare yourself to other people, you are unique; surround yourself with family and friends who love you; and most importantly, learn to laugh at yourself and at your mistakes. If you follow these simple tips, you will find that your life will become more enjoyable – and that’s what it is all about, isn’t it?

The holiday season is meant to be a time of togetherness and relaxation. But how can anyone feel like that when there is so much pressure, so much to do, and seemingly so little time? Take a deep breath and follow these tips to relax your mind, calm your nerves, and start to enjoy the holiday and everything it brings.

Peace in your relationship

The holiday season can be very trying especially in regards to time. This is probably why couples are more likely to call it quits during this time of year than any other. Although you may feel pressure to be festive and cheerful during this time of year, understand that it’s normal to feel sadness or anxiety and that you are not alone. Don’t let your busy schedules cause you to lose time together. Take 10 minutes out of the day to catch up, whether over the phone or over drinks. It’s important not to lose your feelings of connection and compassion especially during this stressful and busy time of year. Try not to get aggravated with each other over silly things, and make an effort to be understanding that both of you are under a lot of stress and can’t necessarily be as romantic or considerate as you’d normally expect them to be.

Peace in your family

Make an effort to spend time with your family, even they don’t always live up to expectations. Especially if this is the only time of year that you will see them, don’t hold onto grudges, and hold off on anger until it can be discussed at a more appropriate time or venue. Try to be understanding of their issues and imperfections. Try to refrain from getting upset or frustrated if something comes up or goes wrong. Remember that your family is sure to be  under extreme holiday stress as well and getting angry at each other will only be one more thing that you will have to worry about.

Peace in your social circle

You don’t have to make an appearance at every party that you’re invited to. Learn that you can say no and still keep your friends too. Saying yes to every invitation may just lead you to feel overwhelmed and frustrated and can stop you from having a good time at the party. If you know that you will be spending more time at a party imagining the millions of things that you’ll need to do once you get home then skip it. Friends and collegues will understand that you’re not blowing them off because you want to, but because you are super busy during this time of year. If your boss asks you to work overtime, or something that you can’t turn down comes up, look for other things that can be cut out of your agenda to make up for the lost time.

Peace in your wallet

Before you join the masses of holiday shoppers, plan out your budget and decide how much you can afford to spend on gifts, decorations, food and etc. Then stick to your budget. Don’t be tempted by things just because there is a 40% markoff on it.  And don’t fall into the trap of buying one thing to get another thing for half the price when both items are things that you can do without! Put quality over quantity when it comes to buying gifts. And remember, that it’s not the cost of the gift that counts, but its significance to the person that it is being given to. Remembering that the thought is what counts, but the thought is not the fact that you got the gift, but that you chose something that you thought would mean a lot to the recipient/

Peace on your waistline

Don’t let the holidays be your excuse to overindulge. Eating a bunch of sweets or forgoing your weekly visit to the gym will only increase your stress and sense of guilt. Have a healthy snack before going to the party so that you don’t feel the urge to go overboard on hor d’oeuvres, pastries or drinks. Go to sleep at a decent hour and make sure you exercise, even if it’s just a brisk walk from store to store.

Peace of Mind

Realize that the holidays don’t have to be picture perfect or even just like last year’s. You and your family have changed and grown in the last year and so can your holiday traditions. That doesn’t mean that you have to completely change up the routine that you’ve stuck with for the past 15 years. Just be open to changes and don’t freak out if things don’t go exactly as they used to. If everyone can’t make it home for the holidays, realize that it’s not the end of the world. Find new ways to celebrate such as exchanging pictures, emails or videos. Even just sending a Christmas card is enough to let others know that they’re being thought of. 

Rather than scrambling to get everything done at the last minute, set aside a specific time in which to get all of the shopping, cooking, visiting friends and other activities done so you don’t have to worry about squeezing it all in together at the last minute. Plan the menu for dinner and then get all of the ingredients. That way, you won’t have to worry about what to cook and whether you have everything necessary to make it. Also, get volunteers in advance for party prep and clean up.

Also, don’t forget to set aside some time for yourself. Even  just 15 minutes, spent alone without any distractions, can help to refresh you and make it easier to get through everything else that needs to get done once that 15 minutes is over. Close your eyes and take deep breaths. Listen to soothing music. Whatever it takes to restore your calm, find something that will help clear your mind, and do it whenever you feel particularly overwhelmed.

If you’re feeling more “bah humbug” than ho ho ho, take precautions to avoid the stress and depression that can fall on you during the holidays. Some planning and a little optimism can help you to enjoy this holiday season more than you thought you could.

These speakers will make the craft-loving person in your family happy. The DIY Speakers from Urban Outfitters are put together and decorated by the artist himself! As a plus, they are made from recycled materials and even come with markers. The speakers are complete with a silver-plated 3.5mm audio jack to use with your iPod, computer or mp3 player. Each speaker set is $16.

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=17437377&itemdescription=true&navAction=jump

________________________________________________

A neighbor I’d been trying to attract invited me over for a one-on-one barbecue on his deck. I spent the day of our date shopping for the perfect, casual yet seductive, hot pink sundress. But by the time I’d showered, shaved, curled hair, and made up, a cool, early evening breeze blew in, so I tossed my favorite black, beaded cardigan on top.

Everything was going wonderfully as we sat at the outdoor table and sipped daiquiris, after eating juicy steaks sizzled on the grill. The setting sun beat down as the wind died, and I began to sweat, so I removed my cardigan, showing off my tan shoulders and back. Like a film siren, I tossed my wavy hair in a sultry gesture, then stretched back both hands, and flirtatiously twisted my hair up from the nape of my neck.

After several moments of indulging in this femininely alluring pose, I noticed, much to my horror, fuzzy lint—furry, little, black fibers from the sweater—stuck to my armpits. It looked like I hadn’t shaved in months! Mortified, I quickly and coolly lowered my arms, slouched back into the cardigan, and made an excuse to leave. I don’t know if my date noticed, since he never mentioned it, which puts him on my list as a very sweet guy. Maybe when the lingering embarrassment is over, I’ll borrow a cup of sugar.

 —Jennifer Stanley, Michigan 

For those of you who don’t know my work or me, please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Letty Livingston and besides being a stylish and sophisticated girl-about-town, I am a relationship counselor, advice and sex columnist, and an online (and offline) dating coach. I have been dishing the dirt on sex, love and relationships for the better part of a decade; coming to the conclusion that no matter one’s age, gender, geographic, socioeconomic or cultural situation, we all want the same thing; to find and keep the special someone that appreciates us for who we truly are.

You can send your questions in to me at help@letlettyhelp.com. All material will be considered for publication and all names are kept in the strictest (and I mean STRICTEST) of confidence.

Here is what therapists have said:

How refreshing to read this edgy alternative to the traditional advice column! It’s great! Well done! As a family therapist, I appreciate the levelheaded and straightforward approach you utilize with your readers. I am truly impressed by the sincerity and quality in your responses to your reader’s complex predicaments. Some of their situations have come up identically in my practice. Maybe I’ll start prescribing your column to my clients.
Nora Fitzgerald, Head of Family Therapy, Delaware County Mental Health Dept., PA

Just wanted to compliment you — Your column is excellent… and I have a background in mental health field, former group therapist, art therapist. Great work! …you did what the Dear Abby people did; give good advice and good reading at same time, but better! All in tight prose. Nice, nice work.
Carol Denker, Managing Editor, Spirit News, Philadelphia, PA

I offer the best advice I can to my readers who ask for it. Sometimes I have to ask them some questions in order to figure out what is really going on. A lot of my work is done reading in-between the lines. But when I need more, I go and get it.

The following is an example of this. A True Romance reader sent me an email. Here is her story:
We will call her Emily… She works nights, got off early and went home expecting her live-in-lover to be there waiting for her. To her surprise he was nowhere to be found. She went in to town looking for him. She found him, and “her” at 3:30 in the morning. Read on to see what happened~

Dear Letty,
I need your help!
I have been with this guy for 8 yrs. I work nights he works days. I got off work early one night. He wasn’t home, so I went looking for him. I found him in the parking lot of Newark Eagles coming back from another bar. He swears nothing was going on. It is 3:30 in the morning he is out with another woman. We live together and I wear his ring. So, I put him out. I feel like he should have been home waiting on me. Was I wrong to jump so fast?
Emily

Hi Emily,
I know you want me to give you the best advice possible. So, answer a few questions for me and then I can put everything together and reply with my advice for you. Your answers will help me learn who you are (and who he is) and what your needs are. Be open to this experience and we can get results.

Here we go:

How old are you and how old is he? 52 49

Have either of you been married before. yes
How many times? 1
How long since your divorce did you two get together? years

Do you have any children?
Together? no
With other people? I have one son 34 he has one son 13

Has he ever cheated on you in the past? no
Have you ever cheated on him?
Do either of you have broken relationships because of cheating? yes

Have you been cheated on in the past? yes
How bad did it hurt? not as bad as this

Do you love him? yes
Does he do things to prove he loves you, not just say it? yes

Do either of you have addiction issues?
Which one? he does
With what? Alcohol? Drugs? Prescriptions? he drinks too much
Are either of you in active recovery? no

Are you guys facing financial troubles? no
Do you own your own home? I do

Is the mortgage in your name or his? mine

Do you trust him? not now
Men in general? no
Did your father cheat on your mother? yes

Do you have girlfriends that you regularly socialize with? no
Does he have a group of guy friends that he regularly socializes with? yes
Is alcohol involved with all of you socializing with friends?
Same question for him: yes

Answer me as honestly as possible and I will do my best for you.

xo
LL

Hello again Emily,
Thanks for answering that battery of questions. It told me that you have issues with trust. I’ve also learned, my dear, that you need to get yourself a group of girlfriends. Women need other women in their lives. In fact, you need to get a life outside of your relationship with this guy.

Neither of us knows if anything was going on with that other woman at 3:30 in the morning. A man who is 49 and drinks all the time may have trouble getting an erection that late after a long night of drinking. So, maybe there was nothing going on… sexually, that is.

You put him out because you found him alone with a woman at 3:30 in the morning. That I understand. He is attached and lives with you, so he really has no business out at that hour with or without another person. Someone who is out that late drinking REALLY has a drinking problem.

Do you want to deal with a drunk? It seems like you have for a long time. What if he went to a program like AA? Would you take him back if he stopped drinking? I think that the drunkenness is a half of the problem.

Who needs a guy who is a drunk and is untrustworthy? Granted, you really need to get a life. Maybe if you had one you wouldn’t accept his behavior. He might not act that way if he knew you had a life outside of work and him. I tell people all the time that we show our mates how we want to be treated by showing them what we will and will not stand for.

It is clear that you have him out; now the question is do you allow him back in your life or tell him to come and get his stuff? That is up to you.

Don’t you deserve to have a sober person in your life? One who will not cheat or give you reason to believe he is cheating. A man who is with you should know that you have trust issues and that it is a very sensitive subject. And if he still crosses that line or makes it seem as though he does, he really is not attentive to what your needs are.

We just met and I know that you have issue with trust. This guy has had 8 years to figure it out. If he hasn’t, that may be a clue that he just doesn’t care enough.

Your mother was cheated on. She stayed with your father. You’ve chosen men who will cheat on you. The likelihood that this guy is a cheater is very good since you have a propensity to choose men who will cheat on you.

Now that you are aware of this, you have the power to change it. Here it is, the moment to choose. Going about this solely with my help is not necessary. Finding a licensed therapist or a counselor is as simple as a click of a mouse. You can look online in your area for a counselor or you can go to a site that I am affiliated with. I work with many relationship counselors at www.FixMyLove.com. Join up, it is free. And then enter your zip code and look for an expert who you can talk to. It’ll help.

©2009Letty Livingston, Letty Livingston’s suggestions are intended as inspiring and engaging advice and not an alternative for therapeutic intervention, should it be needed.

All my best!
LL