The small stuff within friendships. I am talking about your best friend or my best friend.

There is a point in (hopefully) every one’s lives when a basic level of maturity is reached. At this point we usually know what keeps relationships going, the giving, taking, what to give, and what to take. (If you think about it, listing all four does make sense,  simply giving or taking is no good.) We also know that it’s purposeless to harp on discrepancies like: An un-returned item, always having to be the driver, or being the one who puts more money in towards a joint bill on a regular basis. These are small things. Right? The things that one should be letting go, because in the L sized picture, all that stuff does not compare to a great friendship.

Now back to reality:  I would like to drag a pink highlighter across this whole “let go of the small stuff”  line. Because we aren’t really letting it go. (And if you are, please write in and tell me how you’re doin it.) If you have a brain, there is no way these little annoying attributes are being deleted from memory. The fact that your best friend never answers your calls when you need her to,  gets filed away in the mind whether you intend it to, or not. Until that one beautiful day you cannot take it anymore, and lace into her/him for getting you chocolate instead of vanilla.

My advice about the small stuff would be to not let that shit go. And no, this does not imply to wage war every time Julie does something weird. This means speak up when something bothers you in a haunting sense. Because that thing, that ultra annoying action is going to turn into a large inconsiderate snowball, and it’s going to roll itself over you when least expected. And then, surprise, you’re the  crazy one for never speaking up about it in the first place.

Yup, I am currently dealing with this now. I repress these things because I do not, not, want to argue with my closest friends, so I stomach the unpleasantness.

At the present time I am teaching myself another strategy. It all comes back to the giving and the taking. I give too much within close relationships. When it comes to the persons closest to me, I give them my time and emotional energy, when I hardly have enough of that stuff  to deal with myself. I do this without the expectation of something in return, but when the bare minimum is unmet, it hurts, and I repress. I know this, and I am in the process of correcting it. I have come to realize that one has to  give less, when you’re getting less. I know this sounds selfish, but when the numbers don’t add up, they don’t add up. I can’t force anyone to change, but I can edit my own work.