Posts Tagged ‘friends’

Whole People Are Healthy Worlds

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Here it is.

I want you to think about a married couple as two individuals, as two worlds, because most times those two people get lumped into one, in every sense. We do it to them, and they do it to themselves. Their individual personalities become lost through this.

But before we get to that, lets ask ourselves if these individuals are whole people. What I mean by this is: Have they gotten over the hurts from their past before entering in this marriage. These hurts can be related to childhood, or past relationships. If these issues aren’t dealt with before marriage, these hurts are going to be the root of many unforeseen arguments/problems. Now, think about two worlds that are at war with each other. How is that going to work?

 When a person is whole I believe that person is over the uneventful past. That person is strong enough to be on their own, be okay about, and be comfortable about who they are and what’s happened to them. 

I’m not sure if we’ve ever accomplished this as humans. We’ve done away with the windmills, but we’re still harping on the bad stuff that has happened to us.  I don’t think adults actually exist, we’re just all children that never the bad, so we clamp onto other people (marriage) so that we don’t have to deal with ourselves.  Then we sit around in wonderment asking our friends why everyone seems to be getting divorced.

And in a sense being a child within is a beautiful thing. I strive on seeing the world through a child’s eyes, this being a positive aspect of being a child. And for some reason we’ve dropped the positive for the negative.

What I’m trying to say is, we have to allow ourselves to grow into the best people we can be. I’m not a little tea pot, I’m a bottle of wine, and I’m only coming out when I taste really really good.

 Now imagine all the good times the two peaceful worlds will have together. All those great vacations, and dinners, and walks, and what ever. And the key word in that sentence is, “two.” Because there are two people in a marriage. When we put a puzzle together, the two pieces connect, they don’t over-lap each other.

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Frenemy

Saturday, May 29th, 2010

Frenemy. What does this clever play on words mean? A frenemy is some one who poses as a well intentioned friend, yet, beneath all of the false giggling that person is on one team, theirs.

The goal of a frenemy is to take you down. No, I don’t mean they want you dead, they are simply in a -who’s better – competition with you. Your best interests are not an issue, and they never were. A frenemy does not belong in the circle of trust. (Yip, I’m referring to ‘Meet The Parents,’ that was a good line.)

The unfortunate part about this concept is that frenemies  reveal themselves in a slow manner, when they have already gained trust, so that when they act out, it’s nearly unnoticed. You think, O she didn’t mean it in that way, you gift her the benefit of the doubt. This may sound like soap opera business, but I assure you, it exists.

The up-side to this ordeal is that the ratio of frenemies to good people is comforting.  Well, at least I like to believe that their is a larger population of good persons than those other types.

How to detect such people? Well, for one thing, this person is going to want to best friend you. They are going to find things in common with you, whether these qualities are real or make-believe. (Keep your friends close, and enemies closer, this is true.)

This person will also want to be friends with your inner circle, and who ever you’re dating or married to.  And this is where the trouble will usually commence. This person will flirt with who ever you’re with, she might even take your man from you. And she will start rumors about you  in one fashion or other, but it’ll be subtle, very subtle. She may “forget” to rely important messages to you, or “forget” to extend an invitation to a social gathering.  A frenemy will reveal themselves in a number of varieties, but the one common characteristic to this type of person is that they are selfish, alarmingly so. It’s not the type of thing they can hide forever.

How to deal with a frenemy? Well, be cordial treat her like an acquaintance, cuz it’s likely you will have a run in with her again, no life is perfect. You don’t want to give them a reason to pay extra attention to you, but please for cheese sakes, do not give them any inside information about yourself, even if it’s news about promotion. The good news will produce jealousy, and you don’t want that bad energy around you.

When she wants to get together, you’ll be so busy you hardly have time to breath. And this problem, will fizzle away on it’s own.

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Is “Just Friends” Feasible?

Friday, April 16th, 2010

This post is for the women who are in a relationship, and the women who need an earned break from relationships. This may sound like all women, but nothing is ever that simple.

If you haven’t seen When Harry Met Sally, please do. It really is a great film. But that isn’t why I’m writing.

They’re right, “they’re” being Nora Ephron, the genius who wrote this movie. Okay moving along…A platonic relationship among those who are physically attracted to each other is an unrealistic concept.

Do I have guy friends? Sure. Has nearly all of them at one time or another tried to make out with me? Sure. When I make new male friends and have no desire in dating them, do they still try after I have expressed my disinterest? Yup, they take it as a challenge.

It’s a sex thing. When the opposite sexes, or whomever you’re attracted to, spend quality time together, one or both parties will be attracted to each other. If there is a beating heart, there is sexual energy. And I’m not taking about the connections in passing—the cashiers, the people we come across on a daily basis, although, woo, there can be moments with those people as well. For the most part, I am referring to the persons you are in frequent contact with—the guy you have class with, or that co-worker.

From what I have experienced, I have learned that these situations tend to result in a mutual attraction, which will torture both parties, OR the friendship is met by a one-sided attraction, which happily distribute torture enough for two upon one lucky person. Are ya following?  Whichever way it works itself out,  if you don’t have any immediate plans for this person, why take on an unnecessary complication?

This does not mean avoid this person, because ignoring a person you like isn’t such a fun thing to do. Yet, in the same breath, the fog of confusion is not going to let up if you two are texting each other smiley faces at odd hours. (Smiley faces always lead to sex. Of course I’m kidding. Somewhat.)

If you have a boyfriend and think it’s possible to have a male friend because your boyfriend cancels this friend out…Um no, that isn’t how it works. That’s called waiting a situation out. This guy, the friend—he’s an intelligent man. He is seated on the sidelines. He will most likely have a caramel latte with your name on it in hand, anticipating his turn to jump in.  You must travel with care when you have this “friend” who is emotionally there for you, because that is his time to shine.

Am I condemning all male and female relationships? Yes, I mean no. If he sticks around after the I-will-never-have-sex-with-you conversation, then he may be a keeper, until further complications arise and you have to stop talking due to those. But, for the sake of those who enjoy playing devil’s advocate, well, that’s your own business.

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