Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

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Whole People Are Healthy Worlds

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Here it is.

I want you to think about a married couple as two individuals, as two worlds, because most times those two people get lumped into one, in every sense. We do it to them, and they do it to themselves. Their individual personalities become lost through this.

But before we get to that, lets ask ourselves if these individuals are whole people. What I mean by this is: Have they gotten over the hurts from their past before entering in this marriage. These hurts can be related to childhood, or past relationships. If these issues aren’t dealt with before marriage, these hurts are going to be the root of many unforeseen arguments/problems. Now, think about two worlds that are at war with each other. How is that going to work?

 When a person is whole I believe that person is over the uneventful past. That person is strong enough to be on their own, be okay about, and be comfortable about who they are and what’s happened to them. 

I’m not sure if we’ve ever accomplished this as humans. We’ve done away with the windmills, but we’re still harping on the bad stuff that has happened to us.  I don’t think adults actually exist, we’re just all children that never the bad, so we clamp onto other people (marriage) so that we don’t have to deal with ourselves.  Then we sit around in wonderment asking our friends why everyone seems to be getting divorced.

And in a sense being a child within is a beautiful thing. I strive on seeing the world through a child’s eyes, this being a positive aspect of being a child. And for some reason we’ve dropped the positive for the negative.

What I’m trying to say is, we have to allow ourselves to grow into the best people we can be. I’m not a little tea pot, I’m a bottle of wine, and I’m only coming out when I taste really really good.

 Now imagine all the good times the two peaceful worlds will have together. All those great vacations, and dinners, and walks, and what ever. And the key word in that sentence is, “two.” Because there are two people in a marriage. When we put a puzzle together, the two pieces connect, they don’t over-lap each other.

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‘Sex & The City 2′

Monday, June 21st, 2010

I actually went to a movie. (Last weekend, but I still went.) The last in theater movie I caught was ‘Shutter Island,’ which is pretty far back for me.

Before seeing S&S I heard mixed reviews about it, which I thought was a positive since I saw the first one, and yeah, that didn’t make me happy at all. They had Samantha’s character sell out throughout the entire thing, until the very end when she realized that that wasn’t her. If you’ve watched the show, you know that our Sam would never put up with that. But let’s leave number two in the past.

As for ’Sex & The City2,’ I’m going to have to say that they did a really good job with it. The movie followed the footsteps of the television series, nearly to the T. I think Samantha’s character was a bit over done in order to compensate for the first film. But other than that the girls, were the girls.

And although this movie is about the elite of New York City, and how luxurious they’re lives are, the movie did call attention to a couple of important topics: such as whether or not to be honest with a mate about an infidelity, (Even if it’s just a kiss) how scary marriage can be after the vows are said, the danger of a hot nanny, how it’s normal to need a vacation away from your children, and the unfair treatment of Middle Eastern women. So, yes beyond the sparkles, there is real skin there.  Wow, I may need to see this movie again.

Which issue lingered on my mind the most? The marriage part, I guess since it’s what I can relate to. Marriage is a very mysterious thing to me. And the more I think about it the more mysterious it seems. It seems like it takes a lot work. I do have a theory about how it could work, but we’ll visit that theory tomorrow.

I posted a picture of ABC Carpet & Home’s sign out front since that store meets the sparkle standards of the movie.

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“Cold Feet” May Not Be “Cold Feet”

Saturday, May 15th, 2010

I have zero interest in dating anyone right now, so this certainly means that marriage is nowhere on the list, it isn’t even on the same notepad.

But that does not mean that I don’t think about the concept of marriage. A lot. When the initial thinking started my original opinion was:  Meet boy, fall in love, get married before it’s too late. That was my thought process at 19. (I know,  scary.) It’s what my mother silently taught me; it’s what society taught me. (Not to marry young, that dating in general is accompanied with these expectations of an evident something.)

And no, I am not trying to combat the fundamentals of marriage. I think marriage is a beautiful thing. But I do think a large number of persons are getting married because it’s “time,” because if you don’t take that next step, then it’s time to break up. And that is where the problem lies. If you’re getting married because you don’t want to break up, all that means is that you’re afraid of change. It’s the same thing as eating a hot-dog every day for lunch since it’s what you’re accustomed to, but instead, you’re marrying that hot-dog.

And as for having  ”cold feet” at the altar…fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. There are times when “cold feet,” is spot on. Sometimes the body is telling you things that the brain already knows, but you don’t listen because everyone is so busy with writing it off as “cold feet.”

And u-turning back to my previous assumptions of dating, I had that super wrong. I think it takes a very long time for everyone to mature, to be able to understand one’s self, and to have realistic expectations from romantic partners. I get that none of us are getting any younger, but I don’t think rushing the process pays off in the long run.

A person should get married when the epiphany befalls upon her (or him) that whomever she’s with brings out the best in her. When that person makes you want to do small things simply for the sake of his/her happiness. The words “love” and “appreciation” tend to be interchangeable to me. What’s love when you can’t show it? It’s a meaningless word without the supporting proof.

What I just wrote, those are the only reasons why anyone should get married. Oh, and it helps if you can stand the person.

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